waves.

things start to look good; then they get better.

then shit happens, and it's back to square one with myself. 

my feelings ebb like waves, coming and going.

skinny love.

goosebumps. what a child.

re: stacks.

into the ocean.

i want to swim away, but don't know how. sometimes, it feels just like i'm falling in the ocean.
let the waves up, take me down. let the hurricane set in motion. let the rain of what i feel right now come down.
let the rain come down.

disappointment.

have you ever wanted something so bad, but life forces an invisible, never-ending sea of soldiers inbetween you and your goal; so that however hard you fight, you'll never get it?

yeah, i have those moments too.

bigger than my body.

someday, i'll fly. someday i'll soar. someday i'll be so damn much more.

cause i'm bigger than my body gives me credit for.

fade into you.

feels like a mazzy kind of day.

alright.

when i can't feel you

i'm not alright.

these four walls.

these four walls, they whisper to me. they know a secret i knew they would not keep. it didn't take long for the room to fill with dust. and, these four walls came down around us.

it must've been something that sent me out of my head. with the words so radical. and not what i meant. now i wait for a break in the silence cause that's all you left.

just me and these four walls again.

if i had a gun.

if i had a gun, i'd shoot a hole into the sun.

and love would burn this city down for you.

hear me.

wherever you are, i'm waiting, cause there are these nights when i sing myself to sleep. and i'm hoping my dreams bring you close to me. are you listening?

hear me, i'm crying out. i'm ready now. turn my world upside down. find me.

i'm screaming for you to please hear me.

hallucinations.

as i walked down the street, my surroundings began to change, my vision blurring.

with every step, the cirrus clouds above my head distorted into various shapes with every blink of an eye.

cats. spectacles. circuses. music notes. houses on cars.

am i okay?

 

i just want an excuse to hear your voice.

i just want to feel something.

i feel happy. i feel sad. i feel like running through the walls. i'm overjoyed. i'm undecided. i don't know who i am. well, maybe i'm not perfect. at least i'm working on it.

it's such a cold, cold world and i can't get out. so, i'll just make the best of everything i'll never have. such a cold, cold world and it's got me down.

don't need my eyes open. oh i, i just want to feel something.

vcr's.

when i find myself by the sea, in another's company by the sea. when i go out to the pier, gonna dive and have no fear. because you, you just know. you just do.

watch things on vcr's, with me and talk about big love. i think we're superstars. you say you think we are the best thing. but you, you just know. you just do.

sad song.

Cause all that's left has gone away,

and there's nothing there for you to prove.

 

you and i.

you and i, we might be strangers. however close we get sometimes, it's like we never met.
me and you, what we can do when the words we use sometimes are misconstrued. well, i won't guess what's coming next. i can't ever tell you the deepest well i've fallen into.

there, there.

there's always a siren singing you to shipwreck.
stear away from these rocks. we'd be a walking disaster.

just cuz you feel it doesn't mean it's there.

there, there. why so green. and lonely?
heaven sent you to me.
we are accidents waiting to happen.

A Dream Within A Dream.

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, whom deem
That days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore less than gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Or a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is that all we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?


-Edgar Allan Poe.

A Ritual to Read Each Other.

If you don't know the kind of person I am
and I don't know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.

And as elephants parade holding each elephant's tail,
but if one wanders the circus won't find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider-
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give- yes or no, or maybe-
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.


-William Stafford.

breakfast with the beatles.

state of mind.

Wait, do you see my heart on my sleeve? It's been there for days on end, and I've been waiting for you to open up. Yours too, baby, come on now. I'm just trying to tell you how I'd like to hear the words roll out of your mouth. Finally say that it's always been me.

But, despite the truth that I know, I find it hard to let go and give up on you. Seems I love the things you do. Like, the meaner you treat me, more eager I am to persist with this heartbreak, running around. And, I will do until I find myself with you.

i promise, i'm not okay.

 for all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me for all the ghosts that are ever gonna catch me.

regrets and mistakes, they're memories made.

another poem.

Look: no one ever promised for sure
that we would sing. We have decided
to moan. In a strange dance that
we don't understand 'till we do it, we
have to carry on.

Just as in sleep you have to dream
the exact dream to round out your life,
so we have to live that dream into stories
and hold them close at you, close at the
edge we share, to be right.

We find it an awful thing to meet people,
serious or not, who have turned into vacant
effective people, so far lost that they
won't believe their own feelings
enough to follow them out.

The authentic is a line from one thing
along to the next; it interests us.
Strangely, it relates to what works,
but is not quite the same. It never
swerves for revenge,

Or profit, or fame: it holds
together something more than the world,
this line. And we are your wavery
efforts at following it. Are you coming?
Good: now it is time.


-William Stafford.

under the sea.

i don't know when. i don't know how, but i know something is starting right now. watch and you'll see, someday i'll be part of your world. <3

and this song will find you.

it goes to show, i hope that you know that you're what my dreams are made of. can't fall asleep, can't fall asleep. i lay in my bed awake, in my bed awake at night. as i dream of you, i'll fall in love; you'll fall in love. it could mean everything, everything to me. i can't imagine being anywhere else.

they say that love is forever. your forever is all that i need.

our stables.

we'll rest easily justified.

suffered a swift defeat, i'll endure countless repeats. the gift of memory's, an awful curse. with age, it just gets worse, but i won't mind. i won't mind.

good feeling.

good feeling, won't you stay with me just a little longer? it always seems like you're leaving me when i know the other one just a little too well. Oh, dearest, won't you stay with me just a little longer? you know, it always seems like you're leaving when i need you here just a little longer.
<3

time, time, time.

how i wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me. it's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language that you can't read just yet.

wonderwall.

you have no idea.

wishes.

if i could sing you a note to make you understand, i'd sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the hand. just keep it stuck inside your head, like your favorite tune. and know, my heart's a stereo that only plays for you.

<3

i caught myself.

dont know what i want, but i know it's not you. keep pushing and pulling me down, when i know in my heart it's not you.

true affections.

I sense there's something in the wind that feels like tragedy's at hand. And though I'd like to stand by him, can't shake this feeling that I have. The worst is just around the bend. And does he notice my feelings for him? And will he see how much he means to me? I think it's not to be...

And will we ever end up together? No, I think not. It's never to become for I am not the one.

my lil stupid.

always gonna love her overbite.

seasons changing.

we're not the same, dear. and it seems to me, there's nowhere we can go with nothing underneath. and it saddens me to say, but we both know, well, it's true, that the ice was getting thinner under me and you.

adhesive.

and i claimed i didn't care for you, but your verse got trapped inside my head. over and over again. you played yourself to death in me. i thought i'd drop you easily, but that was not to be. you burrowed like a summer tick, so you invade my sleep and confuse my dreams, turn my nights to sleepless itch.

stuck on you 'till the end of time.

distractions.

oh, how am i supposed to work when i have something as poetic as this playing in my head like a broken record?

hey, i miss you.

RIP.

a lament.

in the mourning, i'll rise. in the mourning, i'll let you die.

tonight.

the black night is calming and peaceful.

quote of the day.

"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way."
-Juan Ramón Jiménez

summer rain.

today, it is raining. and it is summer. so, i think it would be safe to say that i am currently experiencing something known as "summer rain." what more better to cherish this occasion than to curl up on a couch with a mug of hot chocolate and read a poem?


My books I'd fain cast off, I cannot read,
'Twixt every page my thoughts go stray at large
Down in the meadow, where is richer feed,
And will not mind to hit their proper targe.
Plutarch was good, and so was Homer too,
Our Shakespeare's life were rich to live again,
what Plutarch read, that was not good nor true,
Nor Shakespeare's books, unless his books were men.

Here while I lie beneath this walnut bough,
What care I for the Greeks or for Troy town,
If juster battles are enacted now
Between the ants upon this hummock's crown?

Bid Homer wait 'till I the issue learn,
If red or black the gods will favor most,
Or yonder Ajax will the phalanx turn,
Struggling to heave some rock against the host.

Tell Shakespeare to attend some leisure hour,
For now I've business with this drop of dew,
And see you not, the clouds prepare a shower--
I'll meet him shortly when the sky is blue.

This bed of herd's grass and wild oats was spread
Last year with nicer skill than monarchs use.
A clover tuft is pillow for my head,
And violets quite overtop my shoes.

And now the cordial clouds have shut all in,
And gently swells the wind to say all's well;
The scattered drops are falling fast and thin,
Some in the pool, some in the flower-bell.

I am well drenched upon my bed of oats;
But see that globe come rolling down its stem,
Now like a lonely planet there it floats,
And now it sinks into my garment's hem.

Drip drip the trees for all the country round,
And richness rare distills from every bough;
The wind alone it is makes every sound,
Shaking down crystals on the leaves below.

For shame the sun will never show himself,
Who could not with his beams e'er melt me so;
My dripping locks--they would become an elf,
Who in a beaded coat does gayly go.

wish you were here.

undoubtedly one of the most beautiful songs in the world. always seems to cross my mind when i can relate to it the most.

how i wish you were here. 

today.

today just feels like another day in my normal routine.

if I fell.

if i fell in love with you,
would you promise to be true
and help me understand.

so, i hope you see that
i would love to love you.

confound it, insomnia.

thanks to you, i have songs like this stuck in my head all night.

simply beautiful.

first blog. ever.

someone influenced me to create a blog. i have been meaning to create one, but i just never got around to it. i guess today was the day that changed.

I stumbled across this poem, and it really speaks to me.



Perhaps not to be is to be without your being,
without your going, that cuts noon light
like a blue flower, without your passing
later through fog and stones
without the torch you lift in your hand
that others may not see as golden,
that perhaps no one believed blossoms
the glowing origin of the rose,
without, in the end, your being, your coming
suddenly, inspiringly, to know my life,
blaze of the rose-tree, wheat of the breeze;
and it follows that I am, because you are:
it follows from 'you are', that I am, and we:
and, because of love, you will, I will,
We will, come to be.

By Pablo Neruda.



Enough said.